Miah looked at me this past spring and said, "All of a sudden you just got so old…" Somewhere after the drugs and sex talk…. The in depth one. Of course I lied through my teeth about my history. Actually, I don't have to stretch it much. I have been a good girl… If you know me, you know that. Never smoked, drank or used drugs. The rest I'll leave alone.
I was cool for a minute. I would take my summers in Rehoboth from Philly. My friend Tim had a club at the Beach… He'd DJ and I was in his booth where, in my opinion, the real action was. I could stop by his house at any time and have access to the most tremendous album collection in the state! And then there was the night I met Todd Garcia. I had friends with me. We were just walking down the Ave. This hot guy with a guitar is covering everything from the blues to classics… I just started singing with him. Miah was on my shoulder and 3 years old. We sat on that bench for hours… that guitar case was making some serious money.
The next night, He was out again. I ran into him and he greeted me like a lifetime friend. Had me sit and sing with him another night.
So I'm telling Jake all about it. He's working at the Sands. He says, "That guy has a different chick in his room every night… Damn. You're hooking up with him?!" No. I wasn't hooking up with anyone! I was singing with him.
I give him my number.
The next summer, Todd calls. "I'm heading down to the beach." (He lived in Bethlehem, PA; I lived in Doylestown) This time, he wanted to arrange the songs. See if we could play at my dads restaurant. He was serious. I had never in my life considered singing for a living… or a pastime. I just sing for my kids, not my supper.
We found some coffee shops to play in. Enjoyed ourselves for a few long weekends…
Then I moved to San Francisco. Thought that would be it.
Todd calls. I'm coming out for the week of the 4th. And he did. We played at a 4th party in Jack London Square. It was the best birthday I have ever spent. We were in front a Blues Billiards, along side the bay. It was chilly and the air was filled with smells that bring me home. No kids on my hip… just Todd and myself… Dylan, Clapton, King . . . A week on the top of the list.
Now Todd is amazingly HOT. He has this iguana tattoo that wraps from his side, around his belly and up his back. Easy on the eyes and looks right into you when he appreciates you. It was amazing to know him. . . for him to look me up each year.
So by the next summer, I've had Nazy. She's about 8 weeks old. I'm nursing. I don't leave her yet. Todd has come down with his girlfriend for a week. We hit those old coffeehouses, but with Naz on the Tit, literally. Yes, I am a Nursing Nazi. But it was Todd who insisted I just take care of her and sing… So wearing my baby in no breast feeding allowed lower DE, we keep on playing.
Those days, I wish I had held on to. Him coming back to my house everyday to play… staying out half the night.
I moved to Maryland that Fall and he went off with the PeaceCorps. I never found him again. I'm sure he has a family and life is good. I hope he is still hammering "Blister in the Sun".
Miah thinks I suck cause I don't like Wilco and I have rules on all the stuff teens want to do. But I have a post card here, from Todd, that gives thanks for our summers… This Gorgeous girl on the back of this Hot guys bike… hair blowing in the wind. . .riding off into an unknown. I think I need to frame it!
I got old. But thanks to my summers with Todd, I feel like I lived. Now it's time for me to be their Mom. The Hippie in me is never far away. There's still nothing like the Haight in July and I go back every year. ( Even in January ) Just no playing on the curb anymore. Those summers were the best.
Thanks Todd.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Thursday, October 5, 2006
arizona rain
I cleaned a house the greater part of the morning. Stopped at Caps, (Yes, we have a Capriotti's here in PHX, a little piece of home) for a Mushroom cheese steak. Picked up payment from a client. Checked on a few friends. We have A dad at his end in the hospital in NY. And A cat at the animal vet in VA. Got home. Opened all of the windows and turned off the air. It had been triple digits but it was cooling off fast. Jumped in the shower, washed off the day. While I was blowing my hair dry I could smell the rain rolling in…
Put on some jeans and a hoodie, made a quick cup of the traditional hot chocolate and grabbed my favorite seat on the patio…
And it poured. For a whole 12 minutes. I text Trin. She was jealous to not be on my porch. A few people were venturing to their cars with umbrellas. I'm still amazed at how snotty some folks are about the rain around here. We get all of 67 minutes of rain a year round these here parts. I am enjoying every second of 'em. Then the fella painting the house down the way steps out into the middle of the street and just gets drenched in it. Now those of you who know me know that I could have easily been naked in my back yard pool in this rain a year ago. Now I don't have a pool in my back yard. I had to settle for hoping the hot painter guy my get a wild hair up his butt and get naked. He didn't. But those 12 minutes were no less the most sensual and refreshing we'll have for another 98 days.
In Phoenix, we East Coast natives show our gills when it rains. Everything is beautifully renewed.
Could I have asked for a better day? Cheese steak and mmmm. . . a piece of banana cake for dessert.. I miss home.
Put on some jeans and a hoodie, made a quick cup of the traditional hot chocolate and grabbed my favorite seat on the patio…
And it poured. For a whole 12 minutes. I text Trin. She was jealous to not be on my porch. A few people were venturing to their cars with umbrellas. I'm still amazed at how snotty some folks are about the rain around here. We get all of 67 minutes of rain a year round these here parts. I am enjoying every second of 'em. Then the fella painting the house down the way steps out into the middle of the street and just gets drenched in it. Now those of you who know me know that I could have easily been naked in my back yard pool in this rain a year ago. Now I don't have a pool in my back yard. I had to settle for hoping the hot painter guy my get a wild hair up his butt and get naked. He didn't. But those 12 minutes were no less the most sensual and refreshing we'll have for another 98 days.
In Phoenix, we East Coast natives show our gills when it rains. Everything is beautifully renewed.
Could I have asked for a better day? Cheese steak and mmmm. . . a piece of banana cake for dessert.. I miss home.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
abundantly wealthy
I was driving home from seeing The two As. (My niece and Nephew) Full of love and appreciation. They are the most beautiful babies! And baby girl likes me! I love it! We had a nice meal. We were introduced to new dynamics of relationships. As one went down, I got to feed and take care of the other. All of the kids were happy. Everyone said our goodnights and we were driving home.
Money is low in the bank account. Single mom-ing is hard and I am unsure if all of the bills will get paid this month.
But I felt securely rich. I felt more than rich. I felt abundantly wealthy. I felt over flowed with love and connections. I felt secure that life will be well tomorrow. I was excited about Sundays cookout, regardless if some of the most cherished friends can make it for work. I realized I have postage stamps in my wallet and I have a few letters to write. Friends that are busy opening stores in Pittsburgh and need a hug. Ones that are getting kids off to school in Virginia and might be too busy to rest I have minutes on my phone and time to call and check in on the ones building houses in Cali and moving to new homes in Texas from AZ.
Sometimes this divorce kicks my ass. I cry more nights than Ill discuss. I love him. Im sad.
But Im loved. And I thank you all.
Ill figure out what were eating Sunday and itll be like it used to be when we cooked out every Sunday. All of the RSVPs have made me feel rich and full. I needed it! Well have to do this more often again.
Kisses,
A
Money is low in the bank account. Single mom-ing is hard and I am unsure if all of the bills will get paid this month.
But I felt securely rich. I felt more than rich. I felt abundantly wealthy. I felt over flowed with love and connections. I felt secure that life will be well tomorrow. I was excited about Sundays cookout, regardless if some of the most cherished friends can make it for work. I realized I have postage stamps in my wallet and I have a few letters to write. Friends that are busy opening stores in Pittsburgh and need a hug. Ones that are getting kids off to school in Virginia and might be too busy to rest I have minutes on my phone and time to call and check in on the ones building houses in Cali and moving to new homes in Texas from AZ.
Sometimes this divorce kicks my ass. I cry more nights than Ill discuss. I love him. Im sad.
But Im loved. And I thank you all.
Ill figure out what were eating Sunday and itll be like it used to be when we cooked out every Sunday. All of the RSVPs have made me feel rich and full. I needed it! Well have to do this more often again.
Kisses,
A
Saturday, July 1, 2006
love on the beach
We were walking on the beach one day and came across this on pier concert. She sat, watching people dancing. We made conversation about the salt air and missing the smell of back homes creek.
It was getting chilly, time was moving faster than the crowd and she was content there to watch this one couple dance to each song the band played while she new every word to the hillbilly rock. I made my way to the surrounding stores, returned to her and somehow thought shed be ready to move on soon. Didnt you love that nude of the gardener in the tulips? I need that for my bedroom wall. I enjoyed her fuller figure. . . she spoke without blinking. Her eyes were welling and I was confused. Was she missing something and sad? Did she want for that in her life, the way they knew how the other was going to move? Was it that she had that and felt it slipping away? She allowed the salt to trace her face for a good bit longer. You look wonderful tonight floated over the water, bouncing off the reef and returning and she was in their lives, connected. She could imagine the way he was going to make love to her when they got home. The breakfast she would make him in thanks for their day. She already knew that his hand would not leave the small of her back the entire walk to their car - bike - door.
I realized she appreciated love where she saw it. She dreamed for people in those moments and bestowed blessings through open eye meditation, surrounded by the greater whole, yet her solitude was rooted in a peace for a people in silence.
I wished for her to have recognized their emotion from her own life. Somehow I think she loves so contently that she is able to see it everywhere. It reaches out for her eye, her ear, her taste. All of her senses are aware of it when she sits in its presence, aroma or warmth. She is reconnected to her own story. And I know she loves him deeply. She has said for years, He will never on this earth, breath outside of my love for him I just take her at her word.
The melody returns over that reef over and over and she stays lost in this love on the beach. I realized, she was back on their beach! It was just a Northern California Sand.
It was getting chilly, time was moving faster than the crowd and she was content there to watch this one couple dance to each song the band played while she new every word to the hillbilly rock. I made my way to the surrounding stores, returned to her and somehow thought shed be ready to move on soon. Didnt you love that nude of the gardener in the tulips? I need that for my bedroom wall. I enjoyed her fuller figure. . . she spoke without blinking. Her eyes were welling and I was confused. Was she missing something and sad? Did she want for that in her life, the way they knew how the other was going to move? Was it that she had that and felt it slipping away? She allowed the salt to trace her face for a good bit longer. You look wonderful tonight floated over the water, bouncing off the reef and returning and she was in their lives, connected. She could imagine the way he was going to make love to her when they got home. The breakfast she would make him in thanks for their day. She already knew that his hand would not leave the small of her back the entire walk to their car - bike - door.
I realized she appreciated love where she saw it. She dreamed for people in those moments and bestowed blessings through open eye meditation, surrounded by the greater whole, yet her solitude was rooted in a peace for a people in silence.
I wished for her to have recognized their emotion from her own life. Somehow I think she loves so contently that she is able to see it everywhere. It reaches out for her eye, her ear, her taste. All of her senses are aware of it when she sits in its presence, aroma or warmth. She is reconnected to her own story. And I know she loves him deeply. She has said for years, He will never on this earth, breath outside of my love for him I just take her at her word.
The melody returns over that reef over and over and she stays lost in this love on the beach. I realized, she was back on their beach! It was just a Northern California Sand.
Monday, March 20, 2006
father of my children
Dear Father of My Children,
Though confused I am, more I find myself hurt.
I am not sure if you know honesty or commitment- I have found none with you
Even our first kiss was a lie, Now to have mentioned it, So was our last.
You laid it on a bit thick the first night we were together
and you said I was brave before you bed me.
Perhaps you were NOT speaking of my single mothering at all,
But you knew you would lay me back on that bed and take me for this 10 year run.
And I bought it all - Congratulations!
I had never felt so naked before feeling this abandoned.
Those acting lessons sure paid off.
I was sold on it, except for the distance, lies and
embarrassment you were sure to let me know you felt.
Sincerely,
No longer Your Only
Dear No longer My Only,
I think you have been the easiest lie I have ever told and the best laugh I have ever had.
It was laughable in itself that you would believe I would love a pig like you
I buried it inside of you every day with disgust…
All to watch as you bought it!
While you didn’t speak the language it was my family and my’s entertainment as we sat around mealtime tables and found cute pet names to distinguish the aberration of your look, your style, your dedication, your past and your stupidity.
You really thought a man like me could feel anything for flab like you?
At least I got these children out of it, not to mention my citizenship!
I only wish the image of your psycho stalking waist was not permanently burned into my head.
Enjoy picking up the pieces of your life
Just as long as I don’t have to watch.
Don’t come to me with your emotion.
We have nothing to discuss but the children.
Most informatively,
Never Enjoyed You Anyway
Dear Never Enjoyed Me Anyway,
Sorry to hear you wasted 10 years on
someone you didn’t enjoy.
While you were unhappy and disgusted
I was being enjoyed and pleased.
I may be hurt by your betrayal,
But not defined by it.
My lips will entice many
My thighs, though not bone
Will cream for those deserving and
I will take a seat on the faces of others who will know how to indulge me to tears..
In place of degrade me to them.
There will be a someday where you will understand what you threw away.
Fittingly it will most likely be divinely placed in your life
right about the time when you get your upcoming’s…
So be well and well loved.
Most warmly,
Amazingly Enough
Though confused I am, more I find myself hurt.
I am not sure if you know honesty or commitment- I have found none with you
Even our first kiss was a lie, Now to have mentioned it, So was our last.
You laid it on a bit thick the first night we were together
and you said I was brave before you bed me.
Perhaps you were NOT speaking of my single mothering at all,
But you knew you would lay me back on that bed and take me for this 10 year run.
And I bought it all - Congratulations!
I had never felt so naked before feeling this abandoned.
Those acting lessons sure paid off.
I was sold on it, except for the distance, lies and
embarrassment you were sure to let me know you felt.
Sincerely,
No longer Your Only
Dear No longer My Only,
I think you have been the easiest lie I have ever told and the best laugh I have ever had.
It was laughable in itself that you would believe I would love a pig like you
I buried it inside of you every day with disgust…
All to watch as you bought it!
While you didn’t speak the language it was my family and my’s entertainment as we sat around mealtime tables and found cute pet names to distinguish the aberration of your look, your style, your dedication, your past and your stupidity.
You really thought a man like me could feel anything for flab like you?
At least I got these children out of it, not to mention my citizenship!
I only wish the image of your psycho stalking waist was not permanently burned into my head.
Enjoy picking up the pieces of your life
Just as long as I don’t have to watch.
Don’t come to me with your emotion.
We have nothing to discuss but the children.
Most informatively,
Never Enjoyed You Anyway
Dear Never Enjoyed Me Anyway,
Sorry to hear you wasted 10 years on
someone you didn’t enjoy.
While you were unhappy and disgusted
I was being enjoyed and pleased.
I may be hurt by your betrayal,
But not defined by it.
My lips will entice many
My thighs, though not bone
Will cream for those deserving and
I will take a seat on the faces of others who will know how to indulge me to tears..
In place of degrade me to them.
There will be a someday where you will understand what you threw away.
Fittingly it will most likely be divinely placed in your life
right about the time when you get your upcoming’s…
So be well and well loved.
Most warmly,
Amazingly Enough
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)