Sunday, August 31, 2008
shoes
Your just too young to understand what it means when a man loses himself in you so close to what was- his kids or her. You may be a perfectly sweet girl- but you will Never fill my shoes or theirs.
haunted
His mouth was fresh-
but when his lips were misaligned to mine-
i knew he was closing his eyes to another.
And i pressed him harder to the frame of the door
and forced him back to me-
for only those minutes.
And she may be younger
or a flavor all her own-
but even these thousand miles
wont bless him with the goodbye promised
and he will spend eternity
haunted by my voice.
but when his lips were misaligned to mine-
i knew he was closing his eyes to another.
And i pressed him harder to the frame of the door
and forced him back to me-
for only those minutes.
And she may be younger
or a flavor all her own-
but even these thousand miles
wont bless him with the goodbye promised
and he will spend eternity
haunted by my voice.
beast
I was feeding a monster i called want
when she was nothing more than insecurity
and my thirst had been searching
for a beast only i could uncloth.
I would come to call her confident.
when she was nothing more than insecurity
and my thirst had been searching
for a beast only i could uncloth.
I would come to call her confident.
lifetimes
I bathed in his words for Hours- even not hearing him speak these months- his breath touched my skin like it was pressed against my ear only last night and i caressed the syllables of his need like the face of our child and when i blinked- his affections returned to me as whole as our life has been these 230 plus years- i could hear his daughters' laughter in the thought of his eyes and the miles that would become between fell away and we knew this newer love like we had never skipped a beat. I stood grateful for our lifetimes... for knowing we would have yet another.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
the house that love built
She left 'the house that love built' on a Friday in August- She beat the sun out of bed and ran for a window to breath- the thought of actually going nearly suffocated her in her sleep…
Someone had told her that when the pain gets bad enough you’d chew through your own leg to get out of the trap and so she left her left shoe next to the front door just so he wouldn’t forget she had been there- as if the walls she’d painted or floors she’d danced on ever could…
Having overstayed her welcome nearly 12 years- all of 4,365 days, 104,760 hours, 3,285,600 minutes + infinite seconds, heartbeats and breaths- inhaled and held…
she would quietly slip out that door and leave him with love.
Over the years he would come to find all the little notes she taped behind the furniture and under carpets… Their story would haunt him for years… and while there would be days he wanted to burn her words, there would be others that her little stories left him with tears for the memories…
Her hands had touched every piece of ‘the house that love built’, its another’s laughter that would fill it.
Someone had told her that when the pain gets bad enough you’d chew through your own leg to get out of the trap and so she left her left shoe next to the front door just so he wouldn’t forget she had been there- as if the walls she’d painted or floors she’d danced on ever could…
Having overstayed her welcome nearly 12 years- all of 4,365 days, 104,760 hours, 3,285,600 minutes + infinite seconds, heartbeats and breaths- inhaled and held…
she would quietly slip out that door and leave him with love.
Over the years he would come to find all the little notes she taped behind the furniture and under carpets… Their story would haunt him for years… and while there would be days he wanted to burn her words, there would be others that her little stories left him with tears for the memories…
Her hands had touched every piece of ‘the house that love built’, its another’s laughter that would fill it.
Friday, August 29, 2008
perception
perception
She took the first blow to her eye swollen fat and round,
and as she walked around with a bent picture for her view
she leaned a little into the ache maybe-
or toward the sun I’m not sure which.
if it were sarcasm, perhaps her bones would not have snapped;
but with
each blow ‘ the seriously she takes herself’
chipped away at what she knows and hospitality
became a four letter word for done
She showed up a bit emaciated
from starving for something honest
feeding on the crumbs of efforts unmet
she walked along on the road to ‘why’ for a few miles
and I found her at my door-
looking a bit mangled from her inner war
As I bathed her clean, she quipped, “But you should see the other guy”
I imagined him upright in a chair bound
but with his tongue cut out for his misuse of a well landed word
that for years she had taken like friendly fire-
I wanted to nurture her like a mother,
pull the covers up under her chin and watch her sleep-
be it to dreams of 'the battle at friend’
and while there is blood in the water and she grasps a knot of his hair in her fist
She will still have an ear for your gifts, be them music or your truth
She told me,
“ There is a hole in my lip-
my perception spills from it like a breaking damn."
and she slept.
-amy lynn
july 18, 2008
She took the first blow to her eye swollen fat and round,
and as she walked around with a bent picture for her view
she leaned a little into the ache maybe-
or toward the sun I’m not sure which.
if it were sarcasm, perhaps her bones would not have snapped;
but with
each blow ‘ the seriously she takes herself’
chipped away at what she knows and hospitality
became a four letter word for done
She showed up a bit emaciated
from starving for something honest
feeding on the crumbs of efforts unmet
she walked along on the road to ‘why’ for a few miles
and I found her at my door-
looking a bit mangled from her inner war
As I bathed her clean, she quipped, “But you should see the other guy”
I imagined him upright in a chair bound
but with his tongue cut out for his misuse of a well landed word
that for years she had taken like friendly fire-
I wanted to nurture her like a mother,
pull the covers up under her chin and watch her sleep-
be it to dreams of 'the battle at friend’
and while there is blood in the water and she grasps a knot of his hair in her fist
She will still have an ear for your gifts, be them music or your truth
She told me,
“ There is a hole in my lip-
my perception spills from it like a breaking damn."
and she slept.
-amy lynn
july 18, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
cracked rear view
Today was the first time I let myself cry. I didn't look back.. Maggie said don't even look in the rearview- so I didn't… It was more like running for my life. We had a good drive and an even better weekend. Kim has been more than hospitable and she is taking good care of us. Sam turned off our phones the day before we left, so Joaline and Shad kindly turned them back on for us…
Everyone showed up to help us pack up the truck and trailer. Jorge and my dad were elbow to elbow… got it knocked out in under an hour. Everyone brought great food!! Yum! I only got to smell it- I didn't have time to eat. They gave us a beautiful send off.
Sam on the other hand- didn't come home to say goodbye to his girls. He saw them for about 5 minutes earlier and left… after spending the entire day running around with Ms. Alicia. So the kids didn't get to say goodbye to him…
And maybe that makes it easier to leave. I don't know. For him maybe, but the girls still hold out for their dad- no matter what he does.
It's a bit sticky here and the rain has been nice… We are all piled in Jades room and the kids are happy as clams to do it. It wont be long before we will be on her last nerve… so I just hope we keep the house clean enough and the food on the table…
We are sad to leave our friends and family back in Arizona. But this became a matter of survival. As long as I put one foot in front of the other, every day- the opportunities are better here. I want to live to my potential finally and not be clouded by the emotion of past relationships. Sam is not the only love I leave behind…
Putting these kids first, will sadly be a change for me. I am embarrassed to say, I have put their father first all of these years… I guess I hoped their needs just fell into place in all of that. I hear they are some pretty great kids, but I want them to be even more of themselves by the end of this…
Please stay in touch. We are sad to travel so far- as good as it is for us- and we just miss our people!!
Muah!! A.
( PS, I am no longer in possession of the booty chair- its been willed to Mike… you'll have to go nap there. And someone PLEASE feed Trin!)
Everyone showed up to help us pack up the truck and trailer. Jorge and my dad were elbow to elbow… got it knocked out in under an hour. Everyone brought great food!! Yum! I only got to smell it- I didn't have time to eat. They gave us a beautiful send off.
Sam on the other hand- didn't come home to say goodbye to his girls. He saw them for about 5 minutes earlier and left… after spending the entire day running around with Ms. Alicia. So the kids didn't get to say goodbye to him…
And maybe that makes it easier to leave. I don't know. For him maybe, but the girls still hold out for their dad- no matter what he does.
It's a bit sticky here and the rain has been nice… We are all piled in Jades room and the kids are happy as clams to do it. It wont be long before we will be on her last nerve… so I just hope we keep the house clean enough and the food on the table…
We are sad to leave our friends and family back in Arizona. But this became a matter of survival. As long as I put one foot in front of the other, every day- the opportunities are better here. I want to live to my potential finally and not be clouded by the emotion of past relationships. Sam is not the only love I leave behind…
Putting these kids first, will sadly be a change for me. I am embarrassed to say, I have put their father first all of these years… I guess I hoped their needs just fell into place in all of that. I hear they are some pretty great kids, but I want them to be even more of themselves by the end of this…
Please stay in touch. We are sad to travel so far- as good as it is for us- and we just miss our people!!
Muah!! A.
( PS, I am no longer in possession of the booty chair- its been willed to Mike… you'll have to go nap there. And someone PLEASE feed Trin!)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
language
language does not have a word for the beyond love between some friends.
even to sign it you would have to pair anguish bliss and love in 6 syllables in a heap, yet wrapped snug in peace- neck raised to the sun.
and as my eyes sting, burning the place his lashes would rest at my temples, when I stood in his arms at the end of long days, filled with less words than notions- when we found no need to speak-
I am amazed that in 20 years we could have packed this place to the gills with understanding that never needed words.
If I never say his name again, the universe would not forget the prayers my dreams beg for him and he walks taller for my efforts. (but then, it was always effortless.)
Space will take action- where love never required it.
when you love someone more than whatever 'in love' is- you don't mess that up.
he says I loved him better than anyone in his life. called it Royalty.
I can only hope that time will be a bridge never burned by my goodbye.
even to sign it you would have to pair anguish bliss and love in 6 syllables in a heap, yet wrapped snug in peace- neck raised to the sun.
and as my eyes sting, burning the place his lashes would rest at my temples, when I stood in his arms at the end of long days, filled with less words than notions- when we found no need to speak-
I am amazed that in 20 years we could have packed this place to the gills with understanding that never needed words.
If I never say his name again, the universe would not forget the prayers my dreams beg for him and he walks taller for my efforts. (but then, it was always effortless.)
Space will take action- where love never required it.
when you love someone more than whatever 'in love' is- you don't mess that up.
he says I loved him better than anyone in his life. called it Royalty.
I can only hope that time will be a bridge never burned by my goodbye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)