Tonight was the first time I’ve cooked in a few weeks- Corinne Bailey Rae playing in the background and some iced tea brewing just to layer all the notes with home… and I finally feel like a part of ‘me’ again.
This not cooking for my kids and Trin and Phil and whatever neighbor follows their nose- it bucks who I am and it depresses me, much like Scottsdale did.
People grow up and become more of who they are… the more I become myself- that person needs a full table, whether we know the people or not- and the lovin- it has to be big lovin, between people who can handle how big it gets.
Last night, a friend of mine told me- “ you know you're better off without that guy, he's not a man until he can be confident in what he loves, but you Amy, you are a woman- you need a MAN.”
I thought all day on what that means to me. What a relationship of equals would look like- and the first thing I realized is, I would meet this man at my own table.
Jorge had me sit down and watch “Under the Tuscan Sun” last year; and wanted us to watch it again this summer when I was leaving. I go back to that house and her energy several times a day. ( If I only had her legs.)
This next year my life is going to evolve into “ The Broken Road” times 3... And a little at a time I am going to claim pieces of my life I didn’t know were missing. A job I love, a house I can paint and remodel with my friends -where everyone we could ever dream of knowing will have a place to sleep and a plate at the table and the music- god we are going to climb trees to watch Lisa Hannigan- while we have more front row seats to Sunshine and Ms. Spring… and
it wont be long before I don’t even remember what he looks like when he’s walking away…
So put in your requests- there will be French Onion Soup for Christmas and I’ll sing barefoot for a hug any night of the week. I am a woman confident in what I love. I want to share it. No, I overflow with the ‘need’ to share it-
to share me.
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