Re-Telling

A Re-Telling :

Scraping myself up off of the sidewalk, I was trying to raise my girl. I really didn't know how expensive NorCal was. I was struggling. Habib had told me countless times, that he had a friend who needed a roommate. ( Later I find out the friend didn't need a roommate, Habib was just helping me out.) So that Thursday night, "Sam" was supposed to meet me outside RoundTable. I was to wait for him at 9.
A Jokester shows up and picked on me for a bit, without saying his name. Ends up this is Sam, covered with flour from making Pizza's at his Uncles Pizza Shop. We hop in his Monster Jeep and head back to his little one room Apartment behind A-Town. Tiffany was there and she and I talked most of the night while Sam slept.
Then I wake up in the morning. I am on a mat on the living room floor…. Sam, with the flour in his hair, is gone. An Adonis is standing in his underwear, putting gel in his gorgeous long locks. From head to toe he is a beautiful man. The muscles in his legs- his nicely trimmed feet. I don't want to get caught looking (staring) So I pretend 'sleep.
Sam goes to school. Tiffany takes me back to her place and makes me breakfast. I think she really likes him. Sam comes back from school and we head up to Lucky's for some rotisserie chicken. We spend the afternoon in the livingroom floor laughing, listening to Zeppelins IV and playing cards… I stay and talk while he makes Pizza dough and that's when I am asked… "Is Sam hitting on you?"
Are you nuts? I'm not Sam's type. No. We are just talking.
And we go back to what is now OUR place. We talk for hours. He calls me brave. Asks me if I want my girl and says he'll help. Tells me I've been a good mom to do what I've done for her… I kissed him. First on the arm… then the mouth. One thing led to another…
I'm not his type. Look at my baggage. I just dropped it at his feet… why does he want me? I woke up in his arms and swore to myself, "I will learn to have casual sex right now. With this man." Breath. But his arms were around me so tight. Like my life mattered to him. Like I was the other half of his wondering . His breath feels like home and his skin smells like what morning should smell like… Fresh and clean. He's Comfortable - Like a friend. A friend who knows how you take your coffee and how you like Avacodo and tomato on your breakfast bagel… just like that. Home.
I'm scared to death. I can't let this go and I can't trust him that he is being sincere with me. What's in it for him? For me? And It all just runs away with us.
We're instantly in love. Crazy love. Crazy Love.
Within weeks we're planning our wedding. ( I feel like I need to apologize here in hind-sight. ) God he's a beautiful man. Not just the chest that comforts my cheek… but His Good. His Giving. His Self. Him - Wholly.

Happy 11th Baby.

That was his 11th Anniversary ScrapBook entry.