Im listening to Pistachio by lisa hannigan and realizing- noone really hurts me quite as Miah does… and that’s really sad to me. I don’t need to explain all that I’ve done to be her mom- but last night she hurt me so bad I cried till 2 in the morning and woke up with snot in my hair.
What made my point?? Pistachio. That kid actually told me I havent been a big enough part of her life to have been an influence on her…. You all may know that Sunshine made his way out to Cali for a while. He gave Miah his stuff to keep for him while he found a place. Her dad went apeshit and threw it all out of the house and subsequently all of Cody’s stuff got stolen. I felt that he should understand that Miah has been taught to help her friends by my side of the family and it would only be natural for her to do so, although she should have asked…
Miah said I wasn’t a big enough part of her life for me to have influenced the kind of friend she is… Actually what she said was a bit more mean and hurtful than that- but that is the gist of it…
Then I listened to this song and I knew I am the one on the right…
The math is:
I gave her both ‘O’ and ‘9’ by Damien rice, Lisa sang on both albums, I took her to see Damien for her 16th birthday- Lisa had left the band and she wasn’t there… Miah loves Lisa and waited for her to tour…. Guess what, “WE” are going to see her together on November 16th- but I guess I’m not a big enough part of her life to influence her music either…
I’m not saying that it is about me… I just think that parents look for pieces of themselves in their kids. I happen to love her and am proud of the loving, creative person she is…. But I don’t know what I was thinking implying that I had anything at all to do with that. It’s not like I was really in her life when she was growing up.
OK, so now I’m crying again. I see why parents walk away from their kids. It is painful when they sum you up to nothing.
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