im not gonna beg you

There was an afternoon in the beginning of August where we were at the very end of whatever was left of the very end of whatever Us had become.... and the soundtrack to those few hours was a cd I had made for the first time we were at the end of whatever us was a few years before.
I straddled him on his lap and sang him all the words to snipits that seemed they were written for us. I started paying attention to the stories when natalie merchant was singing- I'm not gonna beg you for nothing, Im not gonna beg you for your love...
And he let me kiss that dimple on his chin, the bridge of his nose and my favorite- his eyelids. And when his hands were rested on my hips, I wanted to lean into him and fall asleep in the cradle of his arms. But I had to tell him the story of the time Jake walked into my dads with a bag of potatoes, ready for dinner- while I was singing seven years by natalie and at the last bridge of the song jake says- 'Damn, Ma girl is singing with a golden set of pipes...'
its funny, I tend to have soundtracks to major events- ill make a few cd's to get me thru something and sing thru my emotions... I can be pretty passive aggressive with my soundtracks.
I spent the greater part of the summer belting out songs like- Im not myslef when I'm with you, Amos lee- inspite of all the damage I have done, The be good tanyas- and deliberately listening to she's mine for the bulk of july in some twisted attempt to get used to her on him...
over the years I can remember some pretty impressive playlists that weve made love to. My favorite might have been the jeep in california when I was 5 months pregnant with Naz and Alice was playing a live in studio of the counting crows- August and everything after... in the back seat... parked behind my favorite restaurant... and we had our own place of course. I just like it outdoors.
August 6th- our last playlist will be the one that plays in my head the most... funny- that cd ended with let him fly- patty griffin covering the chicks.
He made love to me on the ottoman in the livingroom she calls hers now... and held me the rest of the afternoon... before one last round in the shower... the kids came home from school and that was it. we were done. except for I found that cd when I was looking for music today. Its called August. ( guess my life is the everything after...)
The songs always remember when.